The Pieces of Him I Could Never Put Together
by TooRad-TooSad
Summary: She loves him to bits and pieces, but you just can't make all of him love all of you.


Every aspect of this day seemed to set up the perfect conditions for this mindset that had manifested in her mind. The grey clouds blocked the sun and the air had the aroma of rain. It wasn't cold, but it wasn't warm either. Comfortable is probably the best word for it. Every distractor she could possibly fathom was out of reach. Her friends were busy, nothing was on T.V, and no music seemed to fit her mood. It was one of those days where you are left alone to your thoughts. This isn't always a bad thing, but she could guess that with her current mindframe, it was bound to turn sour quickly. Every time she would try to think of one thing, her mind would linger to another, the same subject that she always fought herself from dwelling on: Soul.

She can't pinpoint it, but at some point there was a shift in their partnership, and something between them changed. Sure, they both grew up, and change is apart of that. But not all change is good. Besides that, they rubbed off on one another, that's for sure. She figures that she probably changed the most. Everything up to her pigtails had changed. She now mostly sported a messy bun or ponytail and was now a huge fan of high waisted shorts, oversized sweaters and cardigans. She learned how to manage her anger and her personality had toned down a few levels. She mostly kept to herself but she still had the ability to talk to strangers with as much charisma and kindness as before. She just matured, growing up makes you boring I guess. On the other hand, Soul still stuck to his leather jackets and skinny jeans. He kinda looks like someone who would be put on an Arctic Monkey's album cover. He's now wiser and has grown more quiet. He now thought about what he said before he spoke and his sense of humor matured. He never tired to fight Black Star and he didn't care as much about people thinking he was cool, (which honestly by doing so, he made himself cooler than he could've ever acted). He indeed did have a natural aura of coolness around him and people did take notice. He also complained a lot less and began to somewhat care about school, well, at least he didn't fall asleep in class. He just didn't take notes. However, some things never change. She still the book worm everyone knows and loves and he is still the look-at-how-many-burgers-I-can-fit-in-my-mouth Soul Eater.

Soul Eater. Her partner, her dilemma. _Why do I have to complicate things? _She thought.

She was sitting on her bed, peering out the window, back to square one. She's beat around the bush a million times, but her denial was wearing thin. Even she knew that there was no point in kidding herself. Ignoring the problem won't fix anything. If you don't pull a weed by its roots it'll keep growing. So here she goes, diving headfirst into her ultimate weakness. _Him. _

She likes him. Simple as that right? No. Those emotions will cut down their partnership from the thin thread its dangling from. These emotions complicated everything. She has to constantly hide herself from him, her fears are beginning to spin out of control and consume her. She disrupts resonation with him because she's afraid he'll see in her cracks, find out how she really feels. She's bound to get them killed one of these days over a petty crush. _Oh, but she knows it's much more than that. _And sometimes she looks in his eyes, she sees scarlet, and her mind twists it into her father cheating on her mother. Then she has a panic attack because that's not what she meant when she said she wanted to be just like mama. At times like those, she thinks back to when Soul chose her over Blair, and it puts her at ease. _Because __"In the end the shape and form don't matter at all, it's only the soul that matters right? Nothing else."_ _right?_

She's a mess and she's getting in the way of a once successful partnership and an awful lot of hard work. No one likes to see hard work go to waste, especially Maka.

"Ugggghhhhhhh!" Maka groaned, as she fell onto her back. "Why can't I just be good enough?" She said to a image of Soul that was in a picture of her and him on her nightstand.

"No one knows you like I do, no one cares about you like I do, no one will put up with your weird habits like I do, so why don't you just open up your eyes already!" She yelled at the image, it stared blankly with that trademark smirk back at her.

Anger crept up her body and she slammed the image down. The sound echoed in the room and she held her breath to listen for Soul, because she forgot he was still home and he would probably try to see if anything was wrong, if he heard the slam that trace of him coming was heard, so she slowly exhaled and relaxed, anger being replaced with sadness, because Maka wasn't ignorant. She knew that she can't make him like her, and that made her angry all over again.

"Why can't I be the type of girl you want? Why can't I just be perfect for you? Why can't I just accept the fact that I'm not yours and I have to share you? Why can't things be different? It's not fair to you and I need to let you go and I know that. But I'm just so overwhelmed because I'm mad and frustrated with myself because I'm being selfish and all I want to do is hold your hand..."Maka trailed.

_Why does he have to be so hard to understand? Do boys even think about stuff like this? Do they even feel? Can boys love just as recklessly as girls? _Maka's thoughts raged on like wild fire, setting her emotions ablaze. They burnt down her peace of mind turned her all the fight she had left inside her to ash.

She felt lost, so lost. She felt like she just lost her home. Don't make people your happiness, because your happiness is a palace. When you find someone you build an additional room to your palace, because they are an addition to your home. There is no sense in leaving your palace just to build a kingdom for one person. It will only be torn down later and leave you homeless. After All, you can always make that additional room into something else. Maka knew that now. Soul was her home, her kingdom. But now she had to build her own home, and construction starts today. She brought in the wrecking ball to tear down her room in Soul's kingdom. She figured that it was never really her home, she knew now that she was really just a guest.

She gave the cue as she watched everything crumble; every memory, every moment, anything that lit hope in her heart, gone. Every girl has to break their own heart at least once in their life. It's how we survive, so we can move on. She looked down at the pieces of him she could never put together and smiled. She could never fathom him, or persuade him to love her. That's just not how things work. You can't fit a square in a round hole, and you can't force a boy to love a girl.

_Not all things are meant to be, and humans have free will...it's not fair for only me to be happy, so I'll let go._

Maka turned around and looked at her newly built castle and smiled weakly, as she swung the grand doors open and walked in.

Soul peeked into Maka's room and saw her sound asleep. He noticed that a picture of her and him was face down on her nightstand. He walked over and picked it up. He studied it for a minute then set it back down, a small smile gracing his lips. He looked at her and ruffled her hair and chuckled as he walked out.

He loved her. And that's more than Maka'd ever know.


End file.
